Week 4: Change, But You’re Allowed To Be You - Sophie

I think it’s difficult to be yourself. We all have that ability maybe as a kindergartener or at a really younger age. But as I’ve observed, as I’ve lived, and as I’ve experienced, I’ve come to the conclusion that people start to lose themselves, lose their interests, and just simply lose who they are at a core level. Now yes I may be wrong, I may be overstepping but this is just what I’ve come to see as I begin to grow up.

Before I begin, take what I say with a grain of salt and don’t take it to heart. I’m just speaking from experience and sharing my mixed up thoughts.

People change, yes. And that’s a normal part of life as the world around us changes, and therefore we are almost subconsciously “forced” to change with the continuation of the world. As we get older our conscious is expanded and our minds change. This leads to the inevitable change or evolution if you will of our interests, beliefs, values, and sense of being. We change our looks, whiter that be hair, the way we do our makeup, the way we dress, how we present ourselves, etc, for a myriad of reasons but one can only wonder, why?

I see it as change to adapt to the changing nature of the world around us. This can be seen throughout trends that exist on social media, trends of what society may deem right or wrong, etc. I might also add that this doesn’t just have to be about appearances. It can be about beliefs on political aspects, religions, philosophical ideas, and maybe even how the inner workings of your mind should behave. But I digress. Whether it be change to fit in, change to stand out, change as we evolve, or even just change to feed the human want to redirect of the way that we always seem to be bored of what we have, get used to what we have, and change it. Whether that be forced, or a natural cycle that seems to keep the world going.

While this change can be perfectly healthy and natural I’ve come to notice that it can have its negative sides as well. As does everything. I personally believe that change should not be forced as that can really only lead you to unwanted endings. Change has to occur naturally at the right time when you yourself are ready. If you force change for things such as how you look, the way you act, your beliefs, etc, it leaves you in a tangled mess of what you want your new outcome to be and what you always thought of before, almost making you the middleman of a situation that is (exponentially synonym) difficult to pick a side in.

When I was younger, and even right now for that matter I am in a constant battle of who I want to be, who others want me to be, and who I really am. I always struggled with how I wanted to look, how I wanted to act, talk, present myself, etc. Every year I always looked up to a person as my standard, the person I wanted to look like, perhaps whose “charisma” I wanted to develop, and the people that I wanted to surround myself with even if I had to force it. Now while yes its good to strive to be a better version of you and to change for the better. But on the other hand, in my case I often changed not because it would be more suitable for who I am and the path I was on but rather to adopt the persona of someone else and maybe even of multiple people at once. I didn’t know who I wanted to be, and I still don’t. As bad as that may seem, and as bad as it may be, yes the thoughts I want to be like them and have this and this and this does preside within my mind from time to time, I’ve learned to be more conscious of these thoughts and instead of just shooting for them I think it’d better benefit me to decide if this is going to allow me to change for the better or for the worse.

It’s very easy to want what you don’t have and that for me at least is a leading factor to why I always struggled with staying true to myself and who I strive to be. I have definitely experienced the cycle of losing myself, changing things up, and momentary finding myself again as is very common for me and people like me. We’re still growing up, we’re still finding who we are, but it’s okay to steer off the so called “path” that we’re supposed to be on. And this applies to anyone and everyone. You’re not set in stone. Whatever may happen, you can still take the path less traveled, make your own path, or branch off of others. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter how many years you’ve lived. You still can always balance change with the complexities of who you really are.